NancyLostinLife

This is a heavy topic and may be triggering for many people so please do not feel you have to read this if you may be negatively affected by it, however, I do believe it’s important that we speak about these more difficult aspects of mental illness. To hide from the world’s dark realities will not make them go away. 

My Personal Experience

I started self-harming later than usual according to research. Most people will start self-harming in their teens but I was 18, an adult and legally allowed to work in a pub along with going to college. I hated working at a pub. The pay was awful, the hours were exhausting and the emotional effect of serving the general public wore me down. I think overall it was being burnt out that really got me. I was simply spreading myself too thin which was frustrating to admit. I come from a long line of grafters and it felt weak to admit that I couldn’t do a full-time pub job along with being a student. That’s why I started to self-harm. It was a way to release the pressure and darkness that would build inside me whilst I struggled to keep up with my family’s work ethic and my own high academic standards. 

I can’t remember when it exactly started but I do remember when I realised it was an issue. I had begun harming myself in the bathroom during work to get through a shift. For me, this felt like rock bottom. Little did I know that there was further to fall. 

I got help and started antidepressants along with talk therapy which helped me stop for some time until it didn’t. I have been self-harming on and off for nearly ten years now. At least in the traditional sense, as I’ve learnt self-harming can come in many forms which we don’t always label as self-harm but for this post, I’ll stick to what I think of as my main method of self-harm. 

Why Self-Harm? 

When I think of self-harming I think of addiction. It’s similar in that it’s something that harms you, you know it harms you but the brief amount of relief it gives you from the mental pain feels worth it. 

I’ve often described it as a way of releasing the pressure of distressing emotion that’s built up inside of me. As if I’m a pressure cooker and the harming is a valve. However, there are times when it’s just become a part of my daily routine. It becomes a compulsion that I don’t feel frantic to do but that’s just something I do instead of falling apart. The act becomes ceremonial and therefore comforting. There are also times when I’ve used it to punish myself for not being what I thought I would be. Self-hatred that I take out on my flesh. Sometimes I think it’s just a way to give a physical form to the mental anguish I feel. As if to prove it’s real by giving it a form that isn’t just in my brain. People won’t have to take my word for it because they can find evidence that it’s real on my skin. 

The Challenges of Discussing Self-Harm

Self-harm is not an easy topic to discuss with anyone. It’s something that most people would prefer to ignore and only imagine as something that happens to other people and not to the ones they love. It’s not a palatable subject and is often handled poorly. The misconceptions and lack of understanding regarding self-harming keep many from seeking professional help or community support. Loved ones can become defensive, angry and hysterical when confronted with the reality of self-harm which pushes sufferers further into secrecy, shame and internalised stigma. The best thing for you to do if a loved one discloses self-harming to you is to listen, to be a supporting hand to hold as they tackle this urge and hopefully defeat it.

Practical Tips for Overcoming Self-Harm

As I’ve said I’ve had times when I didn’t self-harm and I do have some tips to help anyone trying to stop:

1.  Remove temptation

Get rid of anything you feel like you can harm yourself with. Even if its primary use isn’t harmful, get rid of it and find alternatives. 

2. Find Alternatives

Find alternatives to self-harming for example snapping an elastic band on your wrist or drawing on yourself with red markers. 

3. Distract Yourself

I find writing my feelings to be a much healthier way to release emotions but you can also exercise, watch films or TV shows, listen to music etc. Sometimes our feelings can feel too large to distract from but it’s a small win to try distraction first even if it doesn’t work.

These are mostly immediate short-term tips, in the long term I would consider going to your GP for help or if you are in serious distress or if you are worried about a self-injury please go to your nearest A&E. 

Seeking Professional Help

Seeking medical help can be scary and often our internalised stigma will try to talk us out of it but it can be the first step to getting better. It’s not an easy road but neither is continuing with coping techniques that are also destructive. 

When seeking medical support always remember these things:

1. If it’s affecting your daily life it is worthy of concern and treatment.

2. You can always ask for a second opinion or to see another professional.

3. If you have someone you trust who can be a secondary advocate, ask them to come along.

4. You are your first advocate.

5. You are worthy of care, kindness and attention.

To find any further resources I find the Mind website to be a comprehensive and accessible source of information.

Conclusion

Ultimately, self-harming is a complex and dark part of my and many others’ lives. There are many reasons it becomes a compulsion for some and the best way to fight it is with compassion instead of fear.