NancyLostinLife

I recently went to an appointment for a medical review with the long-term mental health team I’m under. On arrival, I was told my coordinator was sick and therefore had gone home for the day, which is completely understandable, however, my appointment was at 2 pm so I feel like I should have been informed. In any case, the appointment was to talk to a psychiatrist regarding my medication so I thought I’d still be able to have an appointment with them. Unfortunately, the staff didn’t know which Doctor I was meant to see but after looking through my past emails I found their name. At this point, I was informed the doctor had left the building.

Now I am no stranger to the underfunded, understaffed and overstretched NHS mental health system but I was annoyed. It was frustrating to have wasted nearly 2 hours getting the bus to the appointment just to be sent back home. I was also surprised at the lack of communication considering the large computer setups at the reception of this medical office and the amount of technology at all our fingertips. To add to all of this I’m currently financially struggling due to unemployment and the cost to go to this appointment, which didn’t happen, isn’t a small amount for me right now. Overall this left a very bitter taste in my mouth but is also one of many similarly frustrating experiences. 

After a decade of battening the NHS mental health system, I am tired. It feels like I’ve only gotten worse mental health-wise as I’ve gotten older despite doing everything I’ve been told. I’ve gone through multiple rounds of CBT and other talking therapies, I’ve diligently taken any medications prescribed to me, I journal, I exercise, I fill in forms and worksheets and any other task assigned to me but I feel just as bad, maybe even worse, then when this all began. So I’ve started to think it may be time to switch tactics and go it alone.

I’m not going to stop taking my meds cold turkey, that is dangerous and can lead to a variety of issues but I am playing with the idea of discharging myself from the long-term mental health team. I feel like they can’t help me at this stage. I’m done with being offered groups that I’ve already done and are at the worst times. I’m over the check-ins and the assurances that help is there for me when in reality it isn’t. I don’t know if the system is broken or if I just don’t fit the system but I’m tired of this uphill battle to feel like a normal person. 

There has to be another way and I’ve given this way a good decade of my life. I want to focus on being a person instead of being a mentally ill person and I don’t feel like the NHS mental health system is helping me. 

When it comes to mediation it’s more tricky. I’m not anti-medication at all and I don’t think the goal should always be to be medication-free but I think I’m open to seeing what it feels like to not be on medication for a while. I have no memory of my baseline so maybe I need a reminder. However, I will talk to my GP about this and will not just stop taking any medications, especially my evening antidepressants as they have helped my insomnia. 

This world is hard to navigate and of course, living with mental illness can make it even harder. I’m so grateful that I live in a country that has socialised mental health care even though it’s kind of a mess right now. I’m grateful that I’ve had this opportunity to explore the medical treatments for my depression but I can’t continue on this path right now. It’s time for change.

Before I leave you for this week, please understand that I am not bashing, shaming or discouraging anyone from using the NHS for mental health care or seeking medical intervention for mental illness. We are all on our own journeys and you should always do your research via credible sources, speak to medical professionals about your options and try something for yourself before ruling it out completely. Mental Health is an evolving science which has changed immensely in the last 50 years so I urge anyone reading to think of mental healthcare as a marathon, not a sprint. 

Be safe,