NancyLostinLife

In the past, I’ve been almost proud of my pessimism. It wasn’t something I wore like a badge, but I knew my mind and thoughts tended to be more negative. Ironically I saw the positive sides of being a pessimist. I suppose I thought it was best to lean into it rather than try to fight it as changing a thought process you’ve had your whole life is excruciatingly slow and difficult. So I scoffed at positivity and resigned myself to a glass-half-empty existence.

That was until recently when I got a small wake-up call from a friend about my desire for sympathy instead of resolution when it came to my problems. This was hard to hear as someone who thought of themself as a problem-solver, but when the mirror was held up to me, I saw in the reflection someone who was stuck in this pit of pessimism and victimhood. I realised that by allowing my negative and fearful thoughts to run rampant, I’d given in to my worst enemy, myself. 

I’m a catastrophizer which can be helpful at spotting issues before other people but also can lead to you expecting the worst in every situation. So, by not challenging my catastrophizing thoughts I allowed myself to be talked out of doing things that could end badly. Which could be everything. I allowed my mind to paint apocalyptic scenes of never-ending suffering for myself and it paralysed me. I slowly dug myself a deep pit in which to hide from the bad but also the good. 

Realising that I dug this hole and taking responsibility was the first step to changing my mindset. For so long I’ve felt like things are just happening to me and mostly to my detriment. This is a particularly tricky aspect of my pessimism because there are systems and issues that I am a victim of that are not in my control at the moment. I face classism, sexism, stigma around mental health and other social issues which are alright to criticise but to allow these barriers to stop me from even trying is playing into a victim mindset. Which I don’t want to do anymore. 

Unfortunately, right-wing grifters have co-opted the terms victim mindset and victimhood to shut down real activists fighting for necessary reform. I used their abuse of the terms to excuse feeling sorry for myself. My tendency to see myself as such a victim was so overwhelming that I felt there was no action I could take that wouldn’t be useless in the face of systematic adversities. That’s not true. Even in the face of adversity, we must continue to fight for our dreams and along the way help change the systems that tried to get in our way. 

What I’m trying to say is that pessimism doesn’t serve me as I thought it did and I am working on trying to lean towards the positive. I began doing this by redirecting my thinking when I felt myself spiralling down a dark “what-if” tunnel. This is a manual process at the moment and has resulted in a headache or two. 

I’ve also begun dabbling in affirmations which isn’t a first for me. They can feel silly when you first do them as you’re trying to tell yourself something that may not necessarily be true. For example, I recently went for a job interview for a prestigious company that I wanted very much. During the interview process, I decided to tell myself that “I’m getting this job” as if it was a matter of fact not just a hopeful thought. It simply would happen. Now, I’m not saying this magically led to me getting the job but I believe it helped me have the confidence to really go for the role. As a person who’s studied drama, I think of it as playing a part. You know you’re not Lady Macbeth or Dorothy but you tell yourself you are, you inhabit them through research and development and then you become them on stage. It’s the classic fake it till you make it philosophy.

I’m still not entirely sold that thinking positively will solve all my issues but I do think it’s time to give it a try. I do worry about my tendency to think in black and white which could lead to some toxic thoughts but as with anything I endeavour to find a balance that works for me. 

So, going into the next week I will continue to redirect my irrationally negative thoughts, use affirmations to help me at my new job and not be too hard on myself if I am a little pessimistic, after all, there can be some power in thinking a few steps ahead. 

What do you think of positive thinking? Do you think mindset affects your life? Can a more positive mindset lead to more happiness? 

Have a lovely week,